I don’t think I really understood the full extent of the words “anger management” until I became a mother. I understood the words separately (trust me, I really understood anger growing up in a family where all emotions were on the table all the time) but I didn’t understand them together or more precisely the importance of having them together when you have children.
One of the downsides of having children (oh yes, there are downsides and anyone that tells you there aren’t either doesn’t have children or is lying) is that you have to give up the freedom to express your anger any way you damn well please. Oh no, when you have children you have to learn an entire new way to deal with anger (at least in front of them). Children, especially small children, don’t understand your anger and interpret it only one way, directed at them. SO when your toddler won’t stop screaming no matter what you do and you’re at a breaking point where anger is rapidly building up like a fiery volcano in your throat, you have to take a deep breath and figure out a way to stop yourself from exploding. It’s not easy. Well, it might be easy for some but God knows it’s not easy for me. And I have enough experience. But being a mom is even more difficult when it comes to being polite when you are just angry.
At that moment when my ear drums are vibrating from the constant crying and my nerves are completely shot, ALL I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and run as fast as possible out of the house. At that moment, instead of doing what all my muscles and nerves tell me to do, I have to take a breath and fight my anger and fight it hard. I have to swallow the huge lump in my throat and wait for the feeling to go away.